Father Wounds: Can A Man Be Out Of Touch With His Fight Instinct If He Had An Abusive Father?

In order for a man to assert himself and to stand his ground, he will need to have a strong connection to his fight instinct/aggression. Ultimately, this part of his being will provide him with the vitality and the power that he needs to truly embrace life. Having this connection doesn’t mean that he will always be trying to fight or to intimidate others, as this part of his being will be integrated.

A different reality taking all this into account, if a man is not connected to this part of his being, it will most likely be a challenge for him to assert himself and to stand his ground. What will probably be normal is for him to simply ‘go with the flow’ and to be walked over by others. He will have enough strength in his body to stand up and to go about his day-to-day life, but that will be about as far as it will go.

A door mat when he is at work or with his friends and family, he could often be disrespected and treated badly. What this means is that while he will meet people who are well integrated, he will also meet those who not well integrated. When it comes to the latter, they will have been consumed by their aggression and will, as a result, lack boundaries.

A lack of backbone yet, as he is not in tune with the part of his being that will provide him with the vitality and the power he needs, he will simply tolerate what is taking place. He will be like a punch bag in that he will just take the blows. Naturally, experiencing life in this way is going to greatly undermine his mental and emotional health.

Still, this is not to say that he will allow other people to see this side of him as he could typically come across as happy or create the impression that everything is fine. Not showing how he really feels and putting on an act will be part of his inability to assert himself. In general, he will do what he can to please others, which will be a reflection of his false-self.

A miserable existence considering his inability to assert himself, what his relationships are like, and how he often feels, it is to be expected that his life won’t be very fulfilling. It almost certainly won’t be full of joy. Through living in this way for as long as he can remember, he might often wonder why he should carry on any longer.

Here, he might think about ending his life but this could be an idea that soon lives his mind, with him going back to feeling very low and deeply defeated. A deeper look now, regardless of how long his life has been this way for, there is a strong chance that he wasn’t born this way. This could have been a time when it simply wasn’t safe enough for him to assert himself and to stand his ground.

From a very early age, he would have known that if he asserted himself and even tried to defend himself, his very survival would be at risk. A false sense of control disconnecting from his fight instinct/aggression would have been a way for him to try to minimize the harm that was inflicted on him. However, as he wasn’t at fault for what was going on, it probably wouldn’t have done much.

Along with losing touch with this part of himself, he would have had to disconnect from his body. This would have been the only way for him to keep the pain that he was in at bay; there probably wouldn’t have been anyone around to soothe his being. A battle as he wouldn’t have been able to fight back or to run away, he would have had to rely on his bodies other survival responses to keep him alive.

Disconnecting from his body would have been the main way and his body would have also frozen up (the freeze response). Through freezing up and playing dead, it would have been hoped that he would have been left alone. It is unlikely that this response was very effective, though, and this is why dissociation – leaving the experience without actually leaving it – would have been the most effective.

Awareness what he experienced all those years ago will have remained in his body, and this trauma will be what is preventing him from operating as a whole human being. A big part of him will have been split-off and this part of him will need to be reintegrated for him to be whole again. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

What he will need to keep in mind is that what took place wasn’t his fault and that he deserves to live a life worth living.

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