Along with how they feel, there is going to be what takes place. At this point in time, they could believe that what takes place causes them to feel as they do. Therefore, their life is only going to change if they have different experiences – experiences that are life-affirming.
A closer look if they were to make a list of how some of the situations in their life make them feel, they could end up with a number of ‘negative’ feelings. They could list some, if not all, of the following feelings: powerless, helpless, hopeless, worthless, rejected, abandoned, angry, enraged, fearful, overwhelmed and violated. This is not to say that they will always experience the same feelings; what it can mean is that when they experience something ‘negative’, they will experience some of the aforementioned feelings.
Considering this, they are likely to have a lot of experiences that are ‘bad’ and even deeply traumatic. For example they could be used to spending time with people who treat them badly, and some of them might even physically harm them. Their friends and family could be this way, and they could work with people who are the same.
There is the chance that they could live somewhere that isn’t very safe either, with this being somewhere where there is often violence and loud noises. Instead of being able to relax at home, they will need to be on guard. It is then not going to be a surprise if they believe that they are powerless to do anything about what is going on.
A bystander they are then going to just happen to end up in these situations and won’t be playing a part. What will add weight to this view is that they will be fed up with what is going on and will desperately want their life to change. To say that they are playing a part in what is going on could be seen as an example of what is often described as ‘victim-blaming’.
This is the term that will be used when a victim is seen as playing a part in what they experience. Diving right down now, what is perfectly clear is that one is not consciously choosing to experience life in this way. However, what needs to be taken into consideration here is that one doesn’t just have one mind, they have two minds.
So, in addition to their conscious mind, they also have an unconscious mind. Two needs as a result of this, although their conscious mind can want one thing, their unconscious mind can want somewhere else entirely. Due to this, they can end up in situations and experience feelings that don’t serve them.
In reality, they will be being victimised by a part of them that they are not aware of. Ergo, as painful as these feelings are, they will be what feel comfortable at a deeper level. Moreover, how they feel will cause them to co-create situations that allow them to experience these feelings.
What’s going on? when it comes to why they would be attached to these ‘negative’ feelings, it can be due to what took place during their early years. Experiencing these feelings would have been painful but they would have ended up being associated by their ego-mind as what is familiar and therefore, what is safe. The years would then have passed and their conscious mind would have forgotten all about what took place, and the outcome of this is that it would have seemed as though the external world made them feel a certain way.
This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or healer. As this pain is worked through and they start to feel different, their outer world will also change.