We are especially triggered in our important relationships. Take a moment right now to think about what, in your relationships, triggers you into your fear or anxiety. Are you triggered by: another’s anger, annoyance, criticism, judgment or rejection?
another’s withdrawal or resistance?
another’s unhappiness, whining or complaining?
a partner leaving on a trip?
a partner coming home late and not calling?
a partner looking at another attractive person?
another’s lack of consideration?
someone always being late?
when you feel unseen or invisible to someone who is important to you?
when you feel unjustly accused?
(add your own) while you might not be aware of it, we all have at least a second to choose how we want to respond to the trigger – and most times more than a second.
We often go on automatic pilot and unconsciously choose our standard protective behavior, but we have the choice to love ourselves by taking a second or two to breathe, tune in, and become conscious of this moment of choice. This is the sacred pause – the old “count to 10” before responding. You have a chance to love yourself by bringing compassion to yourself; by choosing the intent to learn, or disengage from the situation.
You have the chance to love yourself by speaking your truth if that is appropriate, and asking your higher self about the loving action toward yourself and the other in this situation. With practice, you can learn to do all of this in the time it takes to take a deep breath. The challenge is remembering to love yourself by taking the sacred pause and remembering to tune in to yourself and your higher guidance.
It is hard to remember to do this when your fight or flight reaction is triggered. When you forget, accept it rather than criticizing yourself. It is very hard to remember to consciously choose your response when your body is in the stress response of fight or flight.
Each time you do remember, notice how wonderful you feel – regardless of what the other person is doing. Notice that your painful feelings come more from your reactivity than from the other person’s behavior. When you don’t remember, take some time to go over the situation and decide how you wish you had responded.