Shortly after i got back from mexico in 2014, i started spending more time with a friend who i had met a few years before. This was someone who i had met whilst i was at a social club. I remember seeing someone who was friendly and outgoing, and i felt the need to go and talk to them.
At first, i thought that he was probably from spain, but i soon found out that he was actually from mexico. The next stage we would speak whenever we saw each other at this social club, but it didn’t go much further than this. If i remember rightly, this all changed when he was studying for his masters.
I think that as he had to do a fair amount of writing during this time, he was drawn to my writing. And, as i would soon be going to mexico for my sister’s wedding, this gave us something else to talk about. A unique connection once i had got back from mexico, i had a better idea of what it was like where he was from.
We would get together about once a week, sometimes more, and i felt as though i could be myself. While it was clear that our early years were very different, there were certain things that we had in common. I gradually came to see that this was someone who was extremely intelligent.
A powerhouse not only was he studying for another masters degree, he also had a full time job. I wondered how he was able to do so much, and i soon came to conclusion that this was someone who had a super brain. He didn’t just have a well functioning brain, though, as he had a good relationship with his emotions.
Said another way, this was someone who was both intelligent (iq) and emotionally intelligent (eq). It was a new experience up until this point, i don’t think i had ever met anyone who was like this. I certainly wasn’t close to anyone who was both intelligent and completely comfortable with their emotions.
He expressed how he felt and he would cry when he needed to, and this meant that he was full of life. I felt extremely grateful that i had someone in my life who had such a healthy relationship with their own emotions. A big impact this was a time when i was grieving over the loss of my father, and i felt as though it was safe for me to open up about this.
It was also around this time that i was developing a better connection with my own emotions. When i told him about what had happened, and how i was facing the pain that was within me, he said that this was really beautiful. He validated what i was going through, and i found it hard to believe that i had someone like this in my life.
A defining moment the reason for this was that i grew up in an environment where my emotions were generally overlooked. If i did show how i felt, it was highly unlikely that i would have been shown the kind of response that this person had shown. Thankfully, i now had a new model to externalise, and this started to change my beliefs and expectations.
Along with the support of a handful of other people in my life, i started to believe that it was safe for me to express my emotions.