Now, there is the chance that a man in this position will also feel this way. He can believe that the only way he will be able to live his own life is if his mother passes on, and part of him might even want her to pass on. Moreover, they could even believe that the man is “bad” for the fact that part of him wants her to pass on.
What this will probably show is that due to their early experiences and what their relationship is like with their mother, it simply won’t be possible for them to put themselves in the man’s shoes, so to speak. He wouldn’t have received what he needed to be able to grow and develop; leaving him in a developmentally stunted and traumatised state. A heavy weight from day one, he will have had to be there for his mother and to provide her with what she wanted.
He will be wearing a mask and he can believe that if he was to drop this mask and reveal his true self, so his needs and feelings, he would end up being harmed and/or abandoned by his mother. He will then have the need to be real and authentic, but, he will have an even greater need to hide who he is. The person who he feels compelled to wear a mask for and to please will no longer exist, allowing him to be himself.
So assuming that his mother has just passed on, there is the chance that he could feel liberated. It’s over he will no longer be trapped in this mother’s mirror and the mask that he wore will have come down, perhaps for good. Still, along with the sense of freedom that he experiences could be a deep sense of loss and even an identity crisis.
Part of this can relate to the fact that he has lost his mother, but most of it can relate to the fact that he will never have the mother that he wanted. Confusion if he wonders who he is and what he will do, this can be seen as a normal part of the fact that his old role will be over. From day one, he will have played the same role and now that he no longer needs to play this role, it is to be expected that he will feel lost.
Right now, though, he will need to surrender to the grieving process to be able to gradually come out of the other side. He could be overwhelmed with pain and feel like a powerless and dependent boy. This is likely to show that the pain that he experienced as a boy and had to repress has started to come to the surface.
A time of rebuilding his early years won’t have provided him with what he needed to develop a strong sense of self. As a result of this, he will be a fractured human being and will carry a lot of pain. To become a strong and integrated human being, he will need to receive the right support and work through his wounds.
This is something that will take patience and persistence. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.